Sometimes

Sometimes in life you are confused and without light, but not ready to admit it to others. At least not to ones who used to be near and dear to you because you wonder if they would see you in a lesser light given your doubts and apprehension. They have always marvelled at your uncluttered decision making process and have looked up to you for this. At these moments you don't want to show them your weak human side. It is beyond doubt that everybody goes through this process, but when you have always wondered why people have had these moments it is hard, maybe egoistic not to accept that a such a thing can mar you too. Nevertheless, in spite of these conflicting thoughts the problem, the conundrum remains and you keep on leading a life with doubt in your mind. This just in turns affect your own decision making and further increasing the confusion - a vicious cycle. It is very easy to break it- just talk to someone, but your ego and your own perception of people comes in the way. This more so if you want to go on a path much less travelled and fraught with risks, as most people would advise you to the contrary- the normal safe path. The mere reason you are confused is that you are not able to prove it yourself that the path you want to take is right, which to many means risk free. In fact you are also looking for that solace that the road less travelled is so because people never slowed down to see that one and that the home at the end of that road is something people never aspired to be at. You are fine with the road being less frequented but not one that is a mine-field. However, how are you ever to know about this else ask someone who may have followed it, but if only you could find someone like that for you have already branded it as a less frequented path. Amongst all this confusion I reside, holding on to my beliefs and making myself believe that all will be rosy, and if not then I will have the resolve to weather it out. I can relate to the anxiety and strength of character, the resolve and the driving force of all those explorers who have   risked it all, some could make a name and some, people think, may have died of shame. I wonder what I will be branded as a pioneer or a fool, but I will risk it, risk it all.